Let Go and Let God (Guest Blogger)

They say when you come to the end of yourself and, you have nowhere else to turn you come to the beginning of God.

One month ago I closed my door to my bedroom. There in my room face down in the carpet I begged God for freedom from a five year relationship. I could no longer love this man more than I had loved myself. I had no more to give him and, had even less to give myself. The years of emotional abuse, infidelity and, anguish had brought me to the end of myself. I had no more excuses. I had run out of bargaining chips to offer up to God. I could no longer justify his actions or my pain. I was done asking God to fix us I needed him to change me. Through the tears, pain, heartbreak and disappointment I had finally had enough and I was ready, willing and needed God to step in.

Five months ago my younger brother passed away at the age of 34 from complications of congestive heart failure. Hours before he passed, before either one of us knew that death was looming he told me he was tired. He had been sick for 10 years. He said he no longer wanted to carry the burden that came with his diagnoses. My brother had spent the earlier part of this year in the hospital. He would stay a spurt the Doctors would patch him up and, send him home. Within a week he would return for a new stint at the hospital. Which each reoccurring visit I found myself angrier and angrier at him. Soon it was almost impossible to make myself go to the hospital to see him. My anger began to consume me. I was angry he didn't take better care of himself, angry that he didn't see his life with the value that I saw it. Angry that he didn't fight for the life that he was blessed with sick or not. I was even angry at God. After, his death I became even more angry. Angry at myself for being angry at him, angry at him for leaving, angry at my mom for not making him tougher as a boy. Angry at God. In my grief I have finally come to a place where I finally had enough of being angry. I am ready, willing and I need God to step in.

One year ago, Oct 31, 2008. A friend of mine son was killed in a car accident after leaving a church event. In effort to celebrate God instead of the holiday filled with darkness Dallas Burton , 13 yrs old came to our church's Hallelujah night, a trick or treat alternative. Leaving the church less than two blocks away the car he was riding in with three other teenagers from our church was hit by a drunk driver. Dallas was killed instantly. The other teenagers survived thankfully with minor injuries. His mother a single mother is a beautiful woman inside and out with an unyielding love for God. In the months, that followed Dallas ' death I watched her and, I wondered how she made it from day to day. As time passed I watched her smile, wit and even her joy return. Soon from the outside she appeared to be the same wonderful woman she had been before losing her son. She continued her service in the church and, stayed close with all the teens at the church that loved Dallas so much. I would always ask myself. How did she do it? After losing my brother. That questions screamed in my head. How is she making it???

This past Friday our church did a memorial service to Dallas hosted by his mother. She is a dancer and did a dance as a tribute to her son while beautiful pictures flashed of him in the background.

The song she danced to was Let Go by Dewayne Woods. As she danced and the song played my heart began to ache and I cried from my very soul. I tearfully sang along to the chorus.

" As soon as I stop worrying,
Worrying how the story ends.
I let go and I let God.
Let God have his way.
That's when things start happening.
I stop looking at back then.
I let go and let God. I let God
Let God have his way".

There was the answer. For me at least.
Answer to how she survived losing her son.
The answer how I would survive losing my brother.
Answer to how I would get past this relationship.
It was letting go of the what was.
Letting go of what could be.
Letting go of even what is and, letting God determine it all.
Every day, every second, every moment. That is where healing lives. Where love lives. Where hope lives. Where God waits for us.

That is how God created it to be from the very beginning.

Scripture:

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course. But, the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

Psalms 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. I will counsel you and watch over you.

Isaiah 58:11
The Lord will guide you always...


Question:

Have you learned to Let Go and Let God?

Lord, I thank you for your love and guidance. I thank you for allowing me to come to the end of myself so that I could begin again with you. I surrender my will for yours Lord. I welcome your guidance, your wisdom and divine directions. I pray for those Lord who are lost for those who have not yet humbled themselves to you. I thank you for simply being GOD in my life.

Amen